Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
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This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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