he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
