she was so not down for the gang bang
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
