I cockslap morals
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Someone came in the potted fern
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
