my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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