I just pynch a tree in the face
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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