Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
