They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
