Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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