what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
