I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
even my farts smell like vagina
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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