Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
