areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
