Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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