All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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