So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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