never play flip cup with pint glasses
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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