I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
