i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
