i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
