He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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