Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
