I didn't shave. On purpose
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
