He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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