OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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