He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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