Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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