I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
