Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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