well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
