i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
