Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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