This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
