he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
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RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
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You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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