dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
