I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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