The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
