An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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