do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
