when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
