All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
