i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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