On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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