I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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