i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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