he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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