I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
