i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize