Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
