What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
