1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
