I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
