I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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