Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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