considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We left the knife in your bed.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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