life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize