oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
