Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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