did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
