Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
