god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
