I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
