The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Ladies don't puke and tell
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
