Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
