theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
