Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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