textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
