I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
