I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
