you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
