he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
