I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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