"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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