I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
