i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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