While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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