My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize