He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Will exercising make me less horny?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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