how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
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His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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