Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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