I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Less talking, more tequila
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
