it's too hot outside to masturbate.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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