I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
