Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
