i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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